Not Funny!

Contribution # 303687 submitted by bv97045
March 1, 2002

I always thought that if anyone would appreciate my secret hobby, it would be Ezra. The art of Eisner(Spirit) and Wrightson(Swampthing, among others) is amazing, but Alan Moores plots beat them hands down. "Watchmen" and "Swampthing" are classics, as is "Killing Joke", but please, read "V for Vendetta". And no, I wouldn't call it a super-hero comic. Oh yes, by the way, I don't own any of the boys, and while I do own copies of the comics, they are not mine to name here. Forgive me.



Special Agent Ezra Standish almost dropped his frappucino into the copier when his ears were brutally assaulted from behind.


”Mr. Dunne, might I enquire what on earth has just posessed you?”

The younger man looked up from his mail. ”The package from my comics-agent’s arrived, Ezra, look!” he pulled out a tattered magasin. ”Issue 31 of ’the Swampthing’. You know how long I’ve been looking for this?"

Standish walked over with a piqued interest. ”Alan Moore?”

”Of course! And John Totleben.”

”He was always the best,” Ezra agreed. ”Apart from Berni Wrightson. Have you seen the original ’Swampthing’ issues? The first ten?”

”Only in reprint. But, man, even then the pictures are amazing!”

Ezra took a sip from his coffee, nodding. ”I was fortunate enough to aquire a collection of all ten on my last excursion to London.” He smiled self-deprecatingly; ”Of course, even luck didn’t keep me from having to pay their weight in gold.”

JD looked at him in awe. ”Jeez, Ez. How did you manage that? I’ve only got, like, the third reprint. I haven’t even heard of anyone to have a full suite.”

Ezras eyes danced with undisguised merriment. ”Yes, I must admit that I rather feared that some fanatic collector would waylay me on the trip home. Imagine if you will; ’This is a hi-jacking! All I want is the guy in 4Bs suitcase and to be flown to Iraq.’ ”

”Nah. Comics are probably the Tools of the Infidel Devils. If he flew there I bet they would be burnt.”

Standish shuddered at the thought. ”Now there’s a disturbing image.”

”Hey, have you seen that new Halo Jones collection……” JD broke off, as he suddenly realized that he and Ezra weren’t the only ones to stop working. Five men had dropped everything to stare with shock at the two agents.


”Gentlemen, what….?” Ezra asked, uncertainly.


”Let me get this straight,” Chris Larabee stared at the pair. ”Ez, you collects comic books?”

Standish blushed selfconsciously.


”Heathens,” JD caught Ezras eyes and winked. ”I sincerely doubt they’re even aquainted with ’V for Vendetta’,” he said with a creditable southern accent.


Standish smirked at him ”You know, V has always reminded me of mr. Larabee…..”

”Now wait a minute…”

Ezra ignored him. ”…..the arbitrary darkness of his disposition, if you will?”

JD tried to keep from snickering, but the sight of his commanders face, trying desperately to guess whether he had just been insulted or complimented was his downfall. Hiccuping with laughter, he fled into the restroom, murmuring something about taking a leak.


”You really collect comics, Ez.?” Vin asked curiously.


Standish gave him an irritated glare. ”They’re called ’Graphic Novels’. It’s not as if they are funny. ’Comics’ must be one of the most misleading....” Ezra stopped himself in mid-rant. He smiled sheepishly at Tanner. ”Yes Vin, I collect comics.”

”How come, son?” Josiah Sanchez asked mildly. It was the first he had heard of the southerner having such a, a, plebeian hobby. It almost seemed against the rules.


”I went into a small shop in N’Orleans to look for an old record. They had a few copies of ’the Spirit’ featured prominently. I was attracted to the extraordinary artwork. However, it was the complexity of the plots that got me ’hooked’.” Standish shrugged uncomfortably. ”I am still a ’plot-man’, so to speak.”

”Nothing bad in letting down your hair once in a while, Ez.” Buck Wilmington grinned. ”I really liked superheroes when I was a kid.” he winked.


”How nice. Remind me to lend you my copy of ’the Watchmen’ sometimes, Mr. Wilmington. Or perhaps League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.”

JD almost ducked into the restroom again, but pulled himself together. ”Nah. I think he would enjoy that one. Better try him on ’Lost Girls’ at once. Might even get him hooked.”

While Buck joined Chris in sputtering indignantly, JD turned to Ezra.


”Sorry to desert you like that, Ez.” JD looked embarrased.


”That’s all right, Mr. Dunne. But perhaps we should both spend the upcoming lunch-hour in another locale? I don’t anticipate being cross-examined over my meal with glee.”

”Cool with me. What did you have in mind?”

”I thought maybe we could buy some suchi and eat it while perusing my minor collection.” Standish raised one brow enticingly.


”Love to! Just let me grab my jacket, and we’re off.”

Their voices receded as they moved down the hallway.


”You wouldn’t have a copy of ’From Hell’ that I can borrow?”

”Of course. And have you seen the print of ’Frankensteins Monster’ with Wrightsons illustrations?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


JD suddenly laughed out loud. ”You know, what would you bet that Chris ends up getting a copy of ’V for Vendetta’ just to see what you were saying about him?”

Standish smiled smugly at his chop-sticks. ”No takers.”