M7 version of popular new film


Okay, so here it is. As you've probably figured out, I'm a fantasy nut, and this has been the only movie I've been thinking of for a while. (None of my TV shows lend themselves AT ALL to the Seven.)


I mean no harm to the makers of the movie or to the makers of the Mag7 show, or to the fans of said productions. This is purely in jest, with my warped view of characters in Lord of the Rings and Mag7. It is very short – it is merely a list of characters and a transcription of the commercial. That’s all I could come up with for now. Perhaps I’ll have more at a later time.

(The Fellowship)

Frodo: JD
Merry: EZRA
Pippin: JOCK STEELE (annoying writer from "Nemesis")
Legolas: VIN
Gandalf: JOSIAH
Boromir: FRANCIS CORCORAN (Nice(r) soldier from "Pilot")
Aragorn: CHRIS

(Other Characters)

Arwen: LIDIA ("Working Girls")
Galadriel: (younger-looking) NETTIE WELLS
Elrond: KOJAY (wise Native American from "Manhunt")
Sauron: GUY ROYAL ("Collector", "New Law")
Saruman: OWEN MOSELY ("Manhunt" – seems good, but isn’t)
Gollum: RUPERT BROWNER ("Chinatown" – he’s slimy enough)
Ringwraiths: NICHOLS FAMILY ("Vendetta")


-- Amongst scenes of JD and the Ring, Guy Royal, the Ringwraiths, the Fellowship coming together, Lothlorien, and other parts of the trek. Also, written onscreen: “It was created by evil. A Fellowship must destroy it.”

(Josiah’s voice): The Ring of Power... It has been found. Guy Royal needs only this Ring to enslave the world. It must be destroyed... in the Fires of Mount Doom.

(Kojay): Strangers from distant lands: You will unite or you will fall.

(Chris): You have my sword.

(Vin): And you have my bow.

(Nathan): And my axe!

(Nettie's voice): This task was appointed to you, and if you do not find a way, no one will.

(Announcer's voice): The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. In theaters now.


M7 LOTR Part 1

mean no harm to the makers of the movie or to the makers of the Mag7 show, or to the fans of said productions. This is purely in jest, with my warped view of characters in Lord of the Rings and Mag7.

Just in case you forgot:

(The Fellowship)

Frodo: JD
Merry: EZRA
Legolas: VIN
Gandalf: JOSIAH
Aragorn: CHRIS

(Other Characters)

Arwen: LIDIA
Galadriel: (younger-looking) NETTIE WELLS
Elrond: KOJAY


(I’m picking some of my favorite scenes as I remember them from the two times I watched the film. Some of the dialogue I completely made up because I really couldn’t remember the actual dialogue. It would take WAY too long for me to try to write this entire story with the Seven, so I’m using my prerogative to pick and choose. So there. Ha.)


(Skip Orin Travis’s birthday and JD and Buck leaving Hobbitton, etc.)

“JD! JD!” Buck calls, running out of the corn patch. JD comes back from around the bend.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I thought I’d lost you,” Buck says, relieved. “Josiah said to me, ‘don’t you leave him Buck Wilmington,’ and I don’t mean to.”

JD laughs and claps his friend on the shoulder. “Come on, Buck.”

They start walking again and are both slammed to the ground. Buck comes up fighting until he sees a familiar face.

“Buck!” Ezra greets him.

“JD!” Jock calls from a few feet away as he helps JD to his feet. They hear yelling in the distance and Buck notices that the two other hobbits are carrying a bunch of vegetables.

“You’ve been into Virgil Watson’s crop!” Buck says. Ezra pushes a bunch of vegetables into his arms.

“Here, hold these.” Jock and JD disappear into the trees, followed by Ezra and, after a moment’s deliberation, Buck.

“Why’s Watson so mad at you?” JD asks as they run through the cornfield.

“He’s just upset that we took some carrots,” Ezra says.

“And some very nice cabbages. And corn! And--”

“Yes, but that’s beside the point. I never would have expected to see you two here,” Ezra says. Just then they burst through the edge of the field and come to the edge of a cliff. Jock stops and manages to keep his balance as first JD, then Ezra, rams into him. But when Buck runs into them, they all go tumbling down the hill.

“Ow,” JD groans.

Buck shoves Jock off him. “Now what have you done?”

“This is a shortcut,” Ezra says.

“But a shortcut to what?” Buck asks.

Jock looks around. “Mushrooms!” he cries, and scrambles to the patch of fungi, followed closely by Buck and Ezra.

JD ignores them. He has a very bad feeling about all this. A strange wind blows and he remembers suddenly that Josiah had warned him to keep off the road. “Get off the road!” he shouts. “Now!”

Alarmed by his tone, the others scramble and hide under the bank, shivering under the tree roots as heavy steps approach. JD looks up and sees one of the Black Riders. He shivers and starts to put the ring on as the Ringwraith dismounts and sniffs. Buck slaps him and Ezra throws a bag of vegetables into the woods. The Black Rider leaps onto his horse and rides away.

“What was that?” Jock asks as they run on.

“It was looking for something. Or someone,” Ezra says, staring at JD and Buck suspiciously. “Who was it looking for?”

JD doesn’t answer. They hear, then see, another Black Rider riding their way. “I have to get to Bree,” JD says.

Ezra nods once. “Buckleberry Ferry. Follow me!” He starts running but as JD starts to follow, the Black Rider reaches them and blocks his way. JD dodges and starts running.

The others reach the ferry and free it from its moorings, then wait. “JD!” Buck shouts. JD bursts from the trees, the Black Rider close on his heels.

“Go!” JD cries. “Go!” He leaps onto the ferry just as the rider reaches the docks. The black horse balks and they float away, safe.


(They reach Bree and go to the inn of the Prancing Pony... and here we are, in the middle of a scene):

“Dunne? I know a Dunne. Right over there at that table in the corner. He’s a relative of mine, twice removed on his mother’s side,” Jock says. JD leaps to his feet and runs over to him.

“Jock! What are you doing?” he asks as a bunch of people start staring at them. Someone pushes him and the Ring flies into the air. JD, on the floor, reaches up to catch it, and it slides onto his finger. He vanishes, to the startled cries of all in the room, save the man called Chris sitting alone in the corner.

JD crawls underneath a table and pulls off the Ring. Instantly a hand lands on his shoulder. He looks up, terrified, into the face of the Ranger.

“You draw too much attention to yourself, Mr. Hill, or should I say… Dunne,” the man in black says, dragging JD upstairs to his room.

“I didn’t mean to,” JD says.

“I’ve seen a lot of people disappear into a crowd and blend in, but to disappear altogether? That is a rare gift.”

JD can’t answer that.

“Are you frightened?” Chris asks abruptly.


“Not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you.”

Suddenly there comes a loud pounding at the door and the other three hobbits burst in. “Let him go or I’ll cut you wide open!” Buck says.

“I wondered when you would show up. Come inside,” Chris says, closing the door after them. “Josiah sent me. He told me to find a hobbit calling himself Mr. Hill and take him and his friend to Rivendell. I suppose I’ll be taking the rest of you as well.”


(Chris explains about the Ringwraiths/Nichols clan, they run from Bree, etc. Too much talking, not enough action. I don’t remember what they said, durn it! Moving on.)


Chris, JD, Buck, Ezra, and Jock Steele are hiking through the wilderness on their way to Rivendell. Chris keeps walking and soon realizes the others have stopped.

“We don’t stop until sunset,” he says. JD and Buck stand up and tug on the pony’s halter to get it moving.

“What about breakfast?” Jock asks.

“You already had it.”

“Well, we had one. What about *second* breakfast?” Jock asks.

Chris rolls his eyes and continues through the trees.

“I don’t think he knows about second breakfast,” Ezra says as they start walking.

Jock stops and faces Ezra. “But what about elevensies? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? Surely he knows about those!”

Ezra raises an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t count on it.”

An apple flies through the air and Ezra catches it. Another one comes their way and smacks Jock in the head; he stares at the ground stupidly for a moment before grabbing the apple and moving onward.


(More walking, more fighting, some semi-mushy Chris/Lidia stuff…)


Lidia rides as fast as she can, dodging the Nichols clan and holding onto JD. All eight brothers and Ma Nichols are following her, trying to block her escape. Her horse is fast, but it carries two people, and even an elf and a hobbit can be heavier than a Ringwraith, so the black horses of the Nichols clan gain on her. She finally reaches the river, and there she stops to make her last stand.

She raises her sword. “If you want him, come and claim him!” she shouts. The Nichols clan mill about the far bank, their horses wary of the river. Ma Nichols nudges her reluctant horse into the water.

Lidia speaks rapidly in Elvish, calling on the waters to protect them. The Ringwraiths look up in fear as a loud roaring begins, and the water rushes forth in a flood, figures of horses at the front. The Nichols clan are covered in the flood and are carried away.

Lidia swings from her horse as she realizes that JD is fading. She pleads with him to hold on and prays that he will be spared. (Fade to black)


(Skip to nearer the end of the Council scene…)

JD stands from his seat, ignoring the others, who were arguing loudly and were close to openly fighting. “I will take it.” he says. No one hears except Josiah, who smiles. JD repeats himself, more loudly: “I will take it!”

Commotion stops. Everyone stares at him; Josiah is positively beaming. “I will take the Ring to Mordor… though I do not know the way.”

Josiah stands behind him. “And I will help him.”

Chris stands. “If by my life or death I can keep you safe, I shall. You have my sword.”

Vin steps forward. “And you have my bow.”

Nathan looks up. “And my axe!” He moves to stand with the others.

Francis Corcoran looks at the others and walks to stand with them. “Gondor will see this through.”

Kojay nods. “Now,” he begins, but Buck runs to stand beside JD.

“JD’s not going anywhere without me!”

Kojay raises an eyebrow. “No, indeed. In fact, it seems nearly impossible to separate you two, especially when *he* is invited to a secret council and *you* are not.”

Jock and Ezra run from their hiding places as well. “We’re going, too,” Ezra declares.

“You need someone with intelligence on this sort of a mission--quest--thing,” Jock adds.

Ezra smirks. “That rules you out, now, doesn’t it?”

Kojay looks at the group standing before him. “Nine companions,” he muses. “You shall be called the Fellowship of the Ring.” (Dramatic music)

Jock nods, admiring the momentous feel. “Right,” he says. “So where are we going?”



There may be a part 2, but later.

Much later.

Maybe never.

Time will tell.